Great Dates Blog | 10 GREAT DATES

10 GREAT DATES

David & Claudia Arp

Listen In: Open, Lively & Honest Conversation with Dr. Josh & Christi Straub

Here is something different. If you are interested, listen to our lively conversation and find out when in our marriage we felt "most emotionally disconnected" and why Christi was so embarrassed about "Intimacy Coupons" and why Josh is so excited about them.

Here's how Josh introduces us on their popular podcast In This Together:
"In the spirit of interviewing people who influence us personally, this episode features marriage mentors of our own, David and Claudia Arp. Married for 55 years, their insights on marriage have influenced the types of conversations we have in our marriage today.

In this episode, David and Claudia share the secrets that have kept them enjoying their marriage for more than five decades."


To listen in click:  LISTEN
Does your marriage need a dose of joy? Listen this week to the joy of 55 years of marriage! 

LISTEN#50: 10 Great Dates with David + Claudia Arp

We made it! Our 50th episode of the podcast!

What's amazing is that our guests this week have been married for more years than we have episodes at this point.


Blessings to all,  Dave & Claudia   10GreatDates.org

Written by David Arp — April 13, 2018

The Gift of Love

by David & Claudia Arp
June 29th, 2017
A favorite song from our dating days is “Love Is a Many-Splendored Thing.” It described the energy, enthusiasm, and excitement of our growing love for each other. 

Perhaps you also remember the thrill of “young love,” but over time things began to settle down. Did you, like us, discover that the person you thought was just about perfect also had some irritating habits? The stars in our eyes faded enough to see each other’s little idiosyncrasies!

While love is still “a many splendored-thing,” the reality of living together creates tension that can cloud the skies of romantic bliss. For instance, at times I (Dave) like my peace and quiet. There are times when I want to just chill out, check messages and spend some time on my notebook or watch a no-brainer movie, at the same time that Claudia really wants to talk. I can find it very frustrating! But just as I’m ready to say, hey, can’t we talk later, I hear a small, still voice, Love is an attitude of caring more for the other person than caring for yourself. Can you turn this irritation into a gift of love by choosing to give her a gift of sacrifice and really listen to her—now?

It works both ways, For instance, if I (Claudia) walk into the bathroom and there are Dave’s clothes (from more than one day) draped over the tub rather than in the hamper or closet, I can become irritated—quickly—or I can give him a gift of love by simply hanging them up and choosing to see that act of kindness as my gift of service to Dave.

What about you? What about those times you’re irritated with your spouse? Would you consider how you could turn your irritation into a gift of love? We all need reminders to love one another. And love is expressed in little acts of kindness.

We challenge you to think about what spells love to you. Are you willing to strive daily to choose the higher road of giving rather than receiving? Our prayer for you is that you will experience the joy of giving—not material gifts, but gifts of love, to the one whom you have chosen above all others to love and cherish.

Gifts of the heart—gifts of love—are gifts that last forever.



Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue

but with actions and in truth.

I JOHN 3:18

Written by David Arp — June 30, 2017

The Unfriendly Skies - Again

by David & Claudia Arp
June 15th, 2017

“You’ll have to check your luggage in at the airline counter inside,” the curb-side porter said. Another cancelled flight. Another delay. Exhausted after leading a weekend seminar, we were very ready to get home. We looked at each other and sighed. “Are we having fun yet?” Dave asked.

AirportFun wasn't exactly how I (Claudia) would describe this rather frustrating situation. Besides, it was my birthday, and I wanted to celebrate it at home. Now we were going to be several hours late getting there. Unfortunately, airport delays are all too familiar for us. Leading seminars around the country, cancelled and delayed flights just come with our job. But that day it was more exasperating because it was my birthday. I was tired and just wanted to go home.

Finally we boarded another flight . . . and sat alone. On top of everything else, they couldn't give us seats together. I silently asked, “Why today, of all days?” Then, just as the plane started racing down the runway, I heard an almost audible answer, Why not today? Then silence.

“Because it's my birthday! I want to get home!” I silently argued.

Then God reminded me, If life were totally predictabletotally on schedulethink how boring it would be! Delays, change of plans and cancellations are part of the fabric of life. My child, relax. Trust Me. I hold the master plan for your life. Flights can and will be cancelled and delayed, but I will never be late or forsake you. Trust Me with your life . . . trust Me with your marriage . . .  trust Me today with your birthday.

The plane left the ground and climbed through the clouds into the brilliant rays of the sun. I pushed the seat recliner button, put my head back, and relaxed. If airport delays were just part of life, perhaps I should embrace them. After all, the flight, though a rescheduled one, was taking us home.

Soon we would be sitting side-by-side on our screened porch. There would be plenty of time to celebrate our unpredictable—and definitely not boring—life, to celebrate our marriage, and at long last, to celebrate my birthday. I decided to relax. After all . . . I would have a whole year before turning another year older!

Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.      JOSHUA 1:9

Written by Claudia Arp — June 15, 2017

Seize the Day

by David & Claudia Arp
June 01st, 2017

We met Carlos and Genie at our church’s mission conference. Their enthusiasm, energy and sheer joy of living drew us to them. Parents of two young daughters and missionaries in Mexico, they were interested in helping marriages and families. They were especially fascinated with our concept of 10 Great Dates®.


Holding HandsSo you can imagine our shock when the next November we received a letter from Carlos telling us that Genie had died suddenly of meningitis. Now, his life was turned upside down—he was alone with his two young daughters.“When we get back to Mexico,” Carlos told us, “we will start our own 10 Great Dates group.” Assuring us they would stay in touch, we said good-bye, looking forward to hearing from them in the future.

As our mission conference rolled around that spring, we wondered if Carlos would be there. He was, and he sent word that he wanted to talk with us. We’ll never forget that conversation.

Carlos told us how he and Genie started their own Great Dates group and how they kept each other’s children so each couple could have their dates. It really worked! Their dates were fun, refreshing and reenergizing for their marriage. Then he told us about the last week of Genie’s life.

“That week it was our time for others to keep our children. So on Sunday we had our Great Date. We walked and talked and just enjoyed being together. The next day I left for an out-of-town conference. When I kissed Genie goodbye, I had no clue it would be that last time I would hold her in my arms. Soon after I left, she became ill and in a matter of hours she was gone.

“Tell other couples,” Carlos told us with his voice breaking, “not to take each other for granted, to seize the day, to take time for their marriages now. You just don’t know how long you will have with each other.”

Our eyes filled with tears. We thought of the past week. We had been busy. Too busy. We had missed our weekly date. Then God seemed to whisper to us . . . Seize the day for your marriage! Not tomorrow, not next week, next month or next year! Seize the day today!

Fortunately, our story has a happy ending. Carlos came back to the United States with his two daughters. Time heals. Life goes on. Sandy, another missionary who also had a heart for Mexico, entered his life. Love blossomed. Now, back in Mexico, Carlos and Sandy are partners in marriage and ministry and parents to the two girls. They have regular dates. They work at keeping their own relationship growing and fresh. They keep on “seizing the day!” Can we do less? Heaven forbid, but it could be all that we have!

 See each morning as if it were the morning of the very first day; treasure each day as if it were the evening of the very last day.      ANONYMOUS

Written by David Arp — June 01, 2017

One of our most meaningful experiences

Follow the Light
by David & Claudia Arp
May 18th, 2017
What should have been a lovely drive through the Austrian Alps was not. Instead we could see nothing—just miles and miles of fog. We had looked forward to driving back to Zurich, Switzerland, to catch our ten-hour flight home, but we had not anticipated this fog.

Alps

Then, near Innsbruck, the dreary sky hiding the Alps gradually became brighter and brighter, and in one magic moment the fog at the very top of the Alps broke. We could finally see the tip of the Alps. The next moment they disappeared—as if they were playing hide and seek with us. Fog. Alps. Fog. Alps.

How breathtaking it was when the fog lifted and we could see the majesty of the Alps! How disappointing when the thick fog reappeared! But isn’t this how life is sometimes? Or even, on occasions, our marriage? At times we see so clearly the beauty all around us—and at other times we only see the fog. Yet, like the Alps in the fog, the beauty is always there whether we can see it or not!

As we continued to drive toward Innsbruck, we talked about times we have felt close to God and other times when we felt only distance. And then God seemed to speak to our hearts: Like the Alps, I am there even when you don’t see Me! Trust Me in the foggy times as well as the sunny times in your life and in your marriage.

Oh, if we could only remember this lesson—especially when we’re in a fog of discouragement. God is there in the foggy times just as He is there when all is sunny in our lives. We need to trust Him both times.

And then as we approached the outskirts of Innsbruck, the sun suddenly broke through. Suddenly, we were surrounded by God’s majesty—360 degrees of magnificent stately Alps! We promised each other we would remember this day and in those times when fog reappears, we will remind each other that in the midst of the darkness and dullness, God is still there—even when we don’t feel His presence! His love and protection—more majestic than the Alps—surrounds us!

As the mountains surround Jerusalem,
So the Lord surrounds his people both now and forever.
PSALM 125:2

Written by David Arp — May 20, 2017

The Marriage Tree

by David & Claudia Arp
April 27th, 2017
Sitting with our friend, Vera Mace, on the screened porch at her home in Black Mountain, North Carolina, we commented that she and David must have enjoyed rocking on their porch and looking at the magnificent Blue Ridge Mountains. Fruit tree

Vera chuckled. “Eventually we did, but we almost didn’t have a screened porch! You see,” she continued, “we didn’t agree on how to go about it. The problem was that David’s favorite tree was right here in the middle of where the porch needed to go. I wanted to cut it down. David didn’t. I still remember the conversation:

‘Vera,’ David said, ‘how could we even consider cutting down this tree? It’s older than we are!’

‘If we want to build our porch,’ I replied to David, ‘the tree will have to go. There simply isn’t another spot for it.’

“Back and forth we went, each desperately wanting our own way. Finally David capitulated. Giving me a gift of love, he said, ‘We shall cut down the tree. You shall have your screened porch!’”

Did David ever regret giving in to you?” I (Claudia) asked.

Vera laughed, “No, not at all! You see, when the tree came down, we discovered it was hollow. The inside had rotted away. It was good riddance! And if David had insisted on keeping the tree, in its weakened state, a wind storm could have blown it over on our home.”

Then we realized how that tree is like marriage . . . selfishness leads to decay; deferring to the other leads to blessing.

Just as Vera and David’s tree appeared to be fine, our marriage may look great on the outside, but if we selfishly demand our own way, our marriage will decay on the inside. Over time, our relationship can become hollow, weak and rotten. But when we defer to each other, we strengthen our relationship.

Years later when we remember Vera’s tree story, we are challenged to work on our marriage—to cut down our own trees of selfishness and to defer to the other. Then we can help other couples build better marriages, and hopefully in the sunset of our lives, we will also enjoy rocking on our own screened porch.

What do we live for, if it is not to make life less difficult for each other? GEORGE ELIOT

Written by Claudia Arp — May 06, 2017

Not again.... it's still an issue... what about you?

April 20th, 2017
We sat in city traffic anxious to get home. The next day we were leaving for a series of conferences, and once again we were in the panic mode—too much to do and too little time!

Why do we always do this to ourselves?” I (Dave) asked.

Traffic

Staring at the brake lights of the car in front of us, I (Claudia) replied. “I don’t know, but I do know something has got to give. We simply can’t keep us this pace!”

About that time on a voice in our car asked, “Are you experiencing ‘fast-lane stress’ in your marriage?”

We looked at each other and in unison said, “Yes!”

The radio spot that day seemed customized for us. We continued to listen. “If you’re experiencing fast lane stress, here’s a tip for you. Sit down and make a list of all the things you need to do. Then prioritize your list. Put the most important thing first and start there. You may not get everything done in one day, but you will go to bed at night knowing you have invested your time in doing the most important. Think about this—life is too precious to hurry through it.”

The last seven words changed our day. It was as if God audibly spoke to us . . . Dave, Claudia, your lives are too precious to hurry through them! Slow down and trust Me!

As the traffic began to move once again, we knew what we needed to do. We drove straight home and over two cups of coffee we made our list and prioritized it. Then we divided the most important things that needed to be done before we left the next day.

The results? We didn’t get everything checked off our lists, but we stopped hurrying. On that day we realized just how precious life is and how much we valued our marriage. And we vowed in the future when we get in a hurry to remind each other to slow down. By the way, what we heard that day on our car radio was our own two-minute program, The Family Workshop, and the couple we were listening to was ourselves! Sometimes we even take our own good advice.

We may run, walk, stumble, drive, or fly,
but let us never lose sight
of the reason for the journey, or miss a chance to see a rainbow on the way.  GLORIA GAITHER

Written by Claudia Arp — April 20, 2017

Two-Part Harmony

by David & Claudia Arp
March 23rd, 2017

The logs in the open fireplace crackled a warm welcome to the guests who had assembled to celebrate the union of Marcy and Tim. Outside the snow continued to fall. The ambience of the old hunting lodge on this cold winter day was a wonderful setting for a wedding reception.

The small, intimate ceremony, completed just a few minutes earlier, had reaffirmed that God is the one who created the holy state of matrimony. Vows spoken. Two lives joined as one. Two hearts fused together in love. Now the celebration.

Music In the background the musical notes of a classical guitar and violin filled the room with romantic cords. Each instrument complemented the other. Wonderful two-part harmony! And then God seemed to whisper . . . Marriage is a two-part harmony—each has your own notes to play. Play them in such a way that you complement and harmonize with one another.

What a beautiful picture of a marriage! Two lives harmonizing together to create a new entity—a marriage. But too often we want to play our own song without harmonizing with the other. Or we want to be our own voice rather than blending together as one. Yet in a duet each seeks to enhance the other so that together the music is more beautiful than it would have been with just one playing or singing alone.

In a harmonious marriage there is no room for competition or tooting your own horn. Competing is the opposite of harmonizing. If we’re playing in harmony, it means we mutually respect each other and our unique gifts. It really is like we are two different musical instruments playing different parts. With God’s grace we can continue to make beautiful music together!

 Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. PHILIPPIANS 3:3

Written by Claudia Arp — March 23, 2017

Reflections on True Love

True Love
by David & Claudia Arp
March 09th, 2017

We were desperately in love . . . young love, true love, filled with deep emotion. I (Claudia) was a freshman at Maryville College, which was located on the edge of the Great Smoky Mountains. I (Dave) was in my second year at Georgia Tech in Atlanta, Ga. Two hundred miles apart! But we remember one time when Dave drove up for the weekend. Time for just the two of us! Time to be together.

Slipping away from the college campus, we drove to Cades Cove in the heart of the Smokies. And on that day we visited the past—others’ past. Cades Cove, untouched by “American progress,” is a tribute to the first families who settled there so many years ago. We imagined the young couples, in love and struggling for survival in the beautiful but isolated valley. We stood together in the Primitive Baptist church and talked about how someday, we would speak our marriage vows in the little Methodist church in Ellijay, Georgia, where Claudia grew up.

Now, decades later we revisited Cades Cove. We went back to the Primitive Baptist Church and once again remembered those lovers who went before us. We remembered our own wedding day now so many years ago.

We talked about the future and wondered what the future would hold for our grandchildren. Would they ever experience the quietness and peacefulness of Cades Cove? Our world had become more complicated. Life was anything but primitive. How would they fare?  And in the middle of our memories and fears for the future, God spoke to our hearts, Never forget your past; let it enrich your present, but you must trust Me for the future. I am the same, yesterday, today and forever.

And then we began to realize, the future—yet to be written—is in God’s hands. Future generations will have their own unique love stories to write. But the greatest love story of all—God’s love for us—will be the same yesterday, today and tomorrow.

Each happiness of yesterday is a memory for tomorrow.

GEORGE WEBSTER DOUGLAS

Written by Claudia Arp — March 11, 2017

On Top of the Clouds

by David & Claudia Arp
March 2, 2017

The illuminated seatbelt sign reinforced what I (Claudia) already knew—we were flying through severe turbulence. I checked the security of my seatbelt. When the weather is sunny and the winds are calm, I like to fly. But on days like this one, I’d rather have my feet on the ground.

And how was Dave handling all this turbulence? Looking over at him, I was simply amazed. He was actually sleeping! I desperately wanted to wake him up. What if it got worse? What if we hit wind shear?

  As I tried unsuccessfully to relax, I began to think about how flying in planes is similar to building our marriage. Over the years of our marriage, we’ve lived through turbulent times. Every marriage experiences turbulence. Of course, you want to avoid severe and extreme turbulence if at all possible. And while some marital turbulence can be avoided, at times you simply must fly through it. Unfortunately when some couples experience problems, their marriages crash and burn. We’ve dedicated our lives to helping couples avoid martial disasters—so what could I learn from this mental exercise?

About that time the pilot came on the loudspeaker and said, “As you are aware we are experiencing turbulence. For the next few minutes it will continue to be bumpy, since we are flying right on top of the clouds.” Oh, I thought. On top of the clouds! I began to relax a little bit now that I knew to expect a few more bumps. And with each bump, I tried to picture our plane skipping on the top of the clouds.

Suddenly I understood: it is possible to handle your fears of flying in bumpy weather or even turbulent times in a marriage if you know they are coming and if you stay on top of them!

The key is to stay on top of the clouds! Later, when Dave woke up (refreshed and unconcerned) I told him about the turbulence he missed and the pilot’s comments and my analogy. Our conclusion? The only way to avoid turbulence in marriage is to stay on the ground and go nowhere. And there are those static, boring marriages that do. But for couples who realize a little conflict is a given and who want to fly through it, their love for each other can grow. As our plane finely landed, we agreed we wanted to continue to grow through our own turbulent times. And from now on, when I’m faced with a rough flight, I’ll try to stay on top of the bumps!

 You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast, because he trusts in you.  ISAIAH 26:3

Written by Claudia Arp — March 03, 2017

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