“Wise Up” Your Marriage | 10 GREAT DATES

10 GREAT DATES

David & Claudia Arp

What does a wise marriage look like? 

Picture a couple who freely and openly talk to and understand one another. They observe each other and are sensitive to what is said and what is unsaid. That’s wisdom! 

It’s easy to get in a rut of shallow conversations and not really listen to each other or be aware of the other person’s mood. How can you become a wise observer? Start by upgrading your communications skills. It’s not unlike upgrading your computer software. 

Recently we upgraded our computers to the much-hyped new system. It was a little scary but worth it. Downloading the latest updates and apps help us to be more efficient. Also deleting old files that are no longer needed freed up space for what’s important. All in all, it was a good experience, but Claudia still says I need to add more memory.

How is your communication? Maybe it works but could be better? Then take our advice—upgrade it! Upgrading your communication will make your marriage wise, but be prepared for some surprises and new insights. You may discover that:

  • Wise communication is more that chatter.We all chit chat daily—from “How was your day?” to “Where’s the remote?”—but if that’s all you do, then you probably have a low-energy, low-fun marriage. When you upgrade your communication, you will learn how to share your deeper feelings and have heart-to-heart talks that pull you closer together. So start telling your mate what you are really thinking and feeling.
  • Wise communication is non-attacking.When we confront the issue and not each other, we build the relationship. Resist attacking the other or defending yourself. Then it will be safe to talk and you’ll be more willing to share your true feelings with each other. Remember to start your sentences with “I” and let them reflect back on you. Avoid “why” questions and “you” statements. They tend to be attacking and zap your energy—and your marriage.
  • Wise communication is companionate communicationWhat do we mean by “companionate” communication? It’s going the extra mile to understand and really connect with each other. It’s the kind of communication that builds your friendship. Really listening and expressing yourself in specific yet positive words will help you become close companions. 

Upgrading your communication skills can open new opportunities for growth and intimacy. As you are in the process of learning new skills, remember to be honest, yet never unkind. You can be direct, yet positive. Remember, you’re developing healthy skills that will enrich your marriage through all your conversations of life. That’s something all wise couples desire!

Written by Claudia Arp — August 08, 2016

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